Day 4 of Le Jeu at Gaulier
And so it turns around. For the first time.
It may change again. I expect it to. I expect to get another low and another about turn. Hopefully several.
The day before yesterday, I was in a low. In a feeling that “I am shit.” And today, I started it feeling pretty shit.
Now, at the end of the day, I feel a bit better.
For now at least, I am feeling pretty good.
Why? Well, there are a couple of factors. But one thing I did today that was different from other days was to just focus on having fun. To just focus on enjoying the games that we were playing.
And that is a key teaching from Gaulier.
He is looking for pleasure. He says it all the time.
When you are enjoying yourself, the audience can also enjoy what you are doing. We see your enjoyment and we enjoy it.
That doesn’t mean you need to be happy all the time. You can be doing something with another emotion (sad, angry, confused, whatever), but if the actor is not enjoying every moment of what they are doing, the audience can tell… and they are bored.
This is extremely simple.
But it is also extremely hard.
How can you keep that level of enjoyment in every moment of what you are doing on stage?
How can you avoid going into your head and losing that connection with the audience?
I started today totally in my head.
I felt like shit.
I was worrying about my abilities and my state of mind. I was worrying what I would say (my “text”) if I got on stage “I have to make it great! What can I say to make it great!?”
Then today, I was given a break. I got some time to really perform… just for a few moments.
And maybe part of why I was given that break was that I had made a choice.
At the start of today, I thought “I will just enjoy the games today. Because that is what they are telling me to do. And, because I am feeling rather low, what have I got to lose?”
I got up on stage during musical chairs only because Gaulier asked for 21 people on stage, which was thus most of the class. I would have taken a back seat otherwise.
And I “won the game.”
Why?
Well, I wonder if it was partly because I was just committed to looking at my classmates in the eyes and enjoying the game. I didn’t care if I went out. Actually, I wanted to go out. Going out in this version of the game meant that we had to “do an impression of a washing machine” (by which he actually meant a dishwasher).
And, at home, we have a game called Hullabaloo, which is a type of sound-only charades. You pick up a card which has on it a word (e.g. coffee machine, car, tennis match) and you have to make a noise of that thing for people to guess.
I love that game.
And perhaps that sense of play and presence was what kept me on stage in this exercise? I don’t know.
But whatever happened, I felt like I won too easily (I’m usually shit at musical chairs) and I made it to the last 2 people.
And so I got an opportunity to perform. In this case, the prize was to imitate the sound of a car crash (which I also found enjoyable for the same reasons) and give an impassioned revolutionary speech against the English (which, as a Scot, was fine).
I did okay at this.
Not great.
But it was the most I have been on stage in these past 4 days, with the spotlight on me.
And what do I put this down to?
I put it partly down to that feeling I had when I went into this day – I’m going to do “the leap” (a term I often use to mean that moment that you fully jump in feet or head first and commit to the thing you are doing) and I am going to enjoy the games.
So… let’s take that into the rest of the days.
We have another day tomorrow. Saturday.
Who knows where I’ll be mentally tomorrow…
Also, the couple of drinks and destressing after the day’s class and before coming home to work have helped to lift my mood. I won’t deny that.
Chilling in the sun is certainly a good thing.
Summary: We played 3 games today:
- Wink murder
- Musical chairs
- Slaps
I won’t go into detail of the specific rules of this yet. They are quite different from the “normal” rules.
What I will say, as a reminder to myself more than anything, is that Gaulier said “The Scottish one, he is a bit too nice.”
So tomorrow… I wonder if I can harness my inner “not nice.”
My playful demon. The mischievous part of me.
What part of me is that?
Maybe the part that puts my finger in people’s mouths when they yawn… that’s the only mischievous part that I can think of.
So let’s bring a bit of that quality into the equation tomorrow… if I can.
I don’t know how that will show up, but let’s give it a try anyway.
Just one moment of mischief.
That is my goal tomorrow.
(And thanks to one of my classmates, James, for giving me the tip to “just focus on doing one different thing each day”. This is a good strategy in any ongoing course. A way to keep advancing in a slightly focused way toward the direction you want to go without overloading yourself or trying to get out of the course something different than the course is teaching you on that day. I think I will take this strategy forward.)
