I’m fed up
I’m fucking fed up
I’m fed up of fucking gender
And sexuality stereotypes

Of “that’s because they’re a woman”
Or “that’s because they’re a man”
Or “that’s because they’re gay”
Or “that’s because they’re…”

To the core
of my frazzled being
I am fucking fed up
Of people
Being labeled
Categorized
Because of things
That have nothing
Nothing!
To do with gender
Or sexuality.

“I know a lot about musicals because I’m gay.”
Great. I’m happy for you
Honestly and fully.
I applaud your celebration.
I just resent that it has to
Perpetuate a stereotype
That implies it’s “not okay”
Or in any way “unusual”
For any male
Who isn’t gay
To love musicals.

“He doesn’t know how to talk about his emotions because he’s a man.”
What!?
Emotional literacy is a fucking skill
That you have to work on
Everyone has to work on
And nobody is born
With those skills!

Where do these stereotypes leave me?
I have always loved musicals
I’m one of the most emotionally engaged
And literate people I know.
I work very hard on it.

I don’t know what my sexuality is
I’ve long seen myself as straight.
I don’t know what my gender is
I’ve long seen myself as a man.

Your stereotypes are
Forcing me to question
Forcing me to become unsure
Of things that are
Nothing
To do with either gender or sexuality.
And I’m always happy
To question myself
But it should be
My decision.

What does it matter what
My fucking gender is
Or who I may
Or may not be attracted to…
What do these things
Have anything to do
With how I behave
What activities I enjoy
Or what skills I have?

And I’m fucking fed up
Of not feeling safe
To talk about
This stuff.
Of being afraid
To talk about gender at all
Because I appear
On the surface
To be a man.

I’m not a man.
I’m not a woman.
I’m a fucking human being.
I’m a person.
Just like everyone else.

I resent it being assumed
That, when I talk about gender,
I’m diminishing
The experience of women
Or anyone else
Just because
I appear
To be a man.

I resent it being assumed,
Because I’m emotional,
That this says anything at all
About my sexuality.

And I know…
I KNOW…
That these are exactly
The sort of feelings
And the sort of pains
That many marginalised
Genders and sexualities
Have talked about
For decades.

I know that.
That’s exactly
The point!

Why is it assumed
That I am somehow
Less justified
To enter this discussion,
The discussion
Around gender bias
And marginalisation…

This discussion
That I have been passionate about
For my entire life.
That even as a child,
I shouted at the radio
When Billy Connolly
Proclaimed
“Men and women are just different”
I shouted
“They’re not! They’re the same!”

Why am I
STILL
After 30 years
Seen as less welcome
In this discussion
Just because
I appear
To be a straight man.

What if I’m not straight?
What if I’m not a man?
I’m not so sure of either.
Why are you so sure
Who I am
And what I believe
When I’m not even sure
Who I am?

How dare you
Assume you know me
And what my beliefs
Must be
Better than I know myself
And then turn round
And accuse me
Of doing exactly that.

I don’t know anything about you!
I work fucking hard
To make sure
I don’t label or assume people
As being in any particular way
Because of my biases
About who I think
They might be.

And I get it wrong sometimes.
Because, I’m a flawed human being,
Like everyone else.
I recognise that.
I’m fully on board
To talk about my biases.

I have a strong desire
A dream
That we could all talk
Openly about our
Blind spots
Around gender
And sexuality.

But how dare you
Assume I am
Inherently wrong
Just because
Of how
I look
To you.

We can’t fight shame
With more shame.
But that is exactly
What is happening
In the world
Right now.

And why
For fucks sake
Why!
Would it make it
More okay
Suddenly
If I were to pronounce myself
As not male
Or not straight?

If I was to decide
I’m queer
And non-binary
That I would suddenly
Suddenly
Be allowed
A place in this discussion?

I so desperately want
To talk openly about gender.

But I am afraid.

I get tied in knots
When I try to speak.
I feel like I don’t belong.
Like my input
Is not welcome.

Simply because I believe in extending
Understanding and compassion
To everyone
In this world,
Without exception,
That my views
Are not welcome.

Sure…
I know…
This piece hasn’t
Sounded very understanding
Or compassionate.

But I get so
Fucking fed up
Sometimes.