I’m tired of feeling deficient. Of wondering If a compliment Is being given Out of feelings of admiration Or feelings of pity. If the person is thinking “Aww how sweet.” Or genuinely respects me. I’m tired of worrying That my oddness Makes me lesser Instead of letting it make me more. And worrying that maybe
Well… I just had a proper meltdown. As in an ADHD/Autistic meltdown. What does that look like? You might ask. You might not ask… I’m going to tell you anyway, because they’re kind of interesting, and I think people don’t really understand them. They’re not amazing, let me tell you. I mean, if you were
I’ve known about Shame for some years. Ever since I watched Brene Brown’s TED talk years ago (which, let’s face it, is probably a lot of people’s introduction to the concept)… But I didn’t really “get” it at the time. A lot of emotions are easy to understand intuitively… Anger? I know what it’s like
It’s official! I’ve got ADHD and definite traits of autism. Fuck. I mean… Good. Fine. I’m over it. Am I though? I am, I think, at peace with the ADHD. Hell… I made a show about it last year and have experienced great joy, love, and friendship connecting with people who are also neurodivergent. Accepting
It’s been a while since I wrote a blog about my time here at Gaulier. I should, I suppose, be writing reams of text by now… as I have only one module left (Shakespeare/Chekov), which starts in 3 weeks. This term, I have had my biggest crisis since the first time I stepped into my
I have a lot to write about that I haven’t yet! I’m now 3 weeks into Le Jeu at Ecole Philippe Gaulier (the second time I’ve done this module) Why haven’t I written? Well, partly I’ve just been having fun. A core driver here at the school is “You must feel pleasure! If you do
The other day, I was talking to my dad when I was having a moment of intense self-criticism about some basic life-admin thing I’d failed to do. He reflected back about the show I have just finished doing at the Edinburgh Fringe “Alex Owen-Hill Asks Himself ‘Is It ADHD?’” “You created such a loving environment
A simple question to recalibrate your current situation: “Aside from my thoughts, am I okay?” (I read this in James Clear’s newsletter)
Reflection after Bouffons course at Gaulier. If you were to ask me what I’ve learned so far over the last 4 weeks, I’d list a bunch of insights and ideas around on-stage performance skills. But an emotional theme to my experience? My top candidate is: Rejection. Why rejection? Of all the mental and emotional ups
Day 7 of Bouffons at Gaulier I’ve gone a bit off the rails with my summaries of the learning this past week. I’m not going to lie– I mean, why would I lie? I never do, I’m compulsively honest… something that is actually an issue here at Gaulier where lying is “part of the game”
