Well, there’s nothing like an external kick up the ass to get you started with something…

So, thanks to Will for asking me if I’m going blog about my experiences this time round. If he hadn’t asked me that yesterday – let’s be honest to myself – the idea would probably have gone into the “I’ll get round to that at some point” bucket where all my important project ideas go to die.

I’m back in Etampes!

Back to the world of Philippe Gaulier. (I wrote about my previous experiences here back in July)

Back to the everyday insults and lack of clarity.

Back to putting myself in difficult performance situations where I feel completely unqualified and out of my depth.

This time for 6 months! (or 2×3 months, if you’re mathematically anal, which I sometimes am).

I have enrolled in 2/3 of the year-long course here at Gaulier.

That means doing the following courses:

This term:
> Masked Play & Melodrama (January – February)
> Bouffons (February – March)

Next term:
> Characters & Shakespeare + Chekhov (April – May)
> Clowns (May – June)

And, I’m going to be honest, I’m publishing this timetable here as much for my own memory aid as for anyone who might be interested in reading this (I’ve no idea who that would be, but “Hi” anyway).

*TMI tangent:* I don’t know how many dozen times now I’ve gone back to the official Ecole Philippe Gauiler website to try to remind myself which courses I’m going to be doing because I’ve forgotten again… but the website now doesn’t include this term’s timetable. So every time, I spend a good 5 minutes “virtually walking in circles” around the website for the information until I remember to check my acceptance letter. At least now I can just come to this post.

So, yeah. I’m here in Paris again.

What do I expect to happen?

Well, when I was here back in summer, I learned a fuck of a lot. The impacts of the training were not clear at the time, but I’ve found some of the lessons become clearer when performing “in the real world” since then.

To come: A full-blown breakdown

I also had a mini-emotional-breakdown during the last course. Just a little one. I wrote about it a tiny bit at the time in a post about rejection: http://creativetemperament.com/a-deep-dive-on-the-feeling-of-rejection-bouffon/

The summer course stint was 6 weeks long.

I’m now here at Gaulier for 6 months.

So… I’m expecting to achieve a full breakdown this time around! (after all, isn’t that what we’re paying for here at Gaulier?)

For me, such breakdowns are internal (i.e. they happen in my head rather than externally as happens with some of my family) so it’s not always obvious when they are happening to anyone else. And, as I learned last time, it’s not always obvious to me either. Last time, they showed up as a more intense, repetitive version of my usual social anxiety.

I figure setting myself up for a major breakdown is a good way to go into this training.

If such a breakdown happens, I’ll be ready for it. And if it doesn’t happen, I’ll be pleasantly surprised.

And what about the training itself?

What do I expect from that?

I’m leaving myself open. I know what to expect, at least a bit, from the Bouffon and Clown courses having done a shorter version of them.

From the others, I’m going to try to go into them with an idea of play, enjoyment, and “I don’t give a shit, but let’s try it anyway.”

Will I succeed?

Almost certainly not.

I expect to be absolutely terrible and fail repeatedly.

Let’s see what happens tomorrow on day 1!

(P.S. Don’t expect me to publish here every day, or indeed to any regular schedule. It’ll be sporadic and inconsistent, as is the rest of my life).